You took the test. The results arrived. Now what?
For adoptees and those with unknown parentage, those DNA match lists can feel overwhelming.
Like staring at a puzzle with no picture on the box.
But here’s the truth: those matches contain the roadmap to your biological connections.
They hold answers. Your answers.
I’ve worked with countless adoptees on their DNA journeys. The successful ones all do the same things.
They understand the basics. They focus on the right matches. They take consistent action.
This guide breaks down exactly how to decode your DNA matches – without getting lost in the science or drowning in details.
Let’s dive in.
What the Hell Do Those Numbers Mean Anyway?
The most important number in your DNA results? Centimorgans (cM).
Period.
Centimorgans measure how much DNA you share with someone. Higher numbers mean closer relationships. That’s it.
Think of it like this: you share roughly 3,400 cM with a parent. Around 1,700 cM with a half-sibling. About 850 cM with a first cousin.
The testing companies try to estimate relationships based on these numbers. They’re often wrong.
Why? Because multiple relationship types can share similar amounts of DNA.
For example, a first cousin once removed and a half first cousin can both share around 450 cM. Totally different relationships.
The labels are suggestions, not facts.
What matters most: anyone sharing over 90 cM with you is worth investigating. Immediately.
Identify Your DNA MVPs (Most Valuable Profiles)
Not all matches deserve equal attention. Not even close.
Start by focusing on your closest connections. They’ll give you the biggest return on your time investment.
Screenshot everything. Right now. Matches can change names, disappear, or update their info without warning. Protect your data.
Create a simple spreadsheet with these columns: Match Name, Shared cM, Estimated Relationship, Contact Status, Notes.
This isn’t busy work. It’s building your foundation.
Playing Detective With Close Matches
Found someone sharing 1,700 cM? Congratulations. You’ve likely found an immediate family member.
This could be a half-sibling, a grandparent, or and aunt/uncle.
Breathe. Process. Plan.
Reaching out requires finesse. Be direct but gentle. Something like: “Hi, we appear to be closely related through DNA. I’m an adoptee searching for biological family. Would you be open to helping me understand our connection?”
No novels. No life stories. Not yet.
Remember: they didn’t know they’d find you today either.
For matches in the 550-1,700 cM range, these are likely close family.
These people can lead you directly to your biological parents, even if they’re not on the testing platform.
Check their trees. Look at their shared matches. Connect the dots.
If they don’t respond? Move to their shared matches.
The Shared Matches Hack Everyone Misses
Shared matches are your secret weapon. Use them.
When you view a match’s profile, you’ll see an option for “shared matches” or “matches in common.” Click it. Now.
This shows you who else in the database shares DNA with both of you. Like a genetic Venn diagram.
This single feature helps you identify family clusters without knowing a single name in your biological tree. Game-changer.
Don’t know which side is maternal or paternal yet? Doesn’t matter. Label them “Group A” and “Group B” for now.
These clusters reveal patterns you’d never spot otherwise. Trust the process.
Analyzing Your Clusters
Once you’ve created your clusters, time to figure out how these people connect to each other.
For each cluster:
- Examine the family trees of your strongest matches in that group
- Look for common surnames and locations
- Identify potential Most Recent Common Ancestors (MRCAs)
- Use a whiteboard tool like Lucidchart or even pen and paper to sketch out relationships
You don’t need to figure out how every single person connects. Focus on finding the pattern among your strongest matches in each cluster.
What if your matches have no trees? This happens constantly. Don’t give up.
You can often build their trees yourself using:
- Public records
- Obituaries
- Social media
- People search websites
It’s detective work. Sometimes necessary, always revealing.
Document Everything. Now.
People delete their accounts. They make trees private. They change settings.
Screenshot everything important. Immediately.
Save match names, shared cM amounts, and shared matches lists. Create a simple system to track this information.
When someone spooks and disappears from your match list, you’ll thank yourself for being prepared.
This isn’t paranoia. This is protection.
Surname Sleuthing That Actually Works
Your matches’ family trees contain clues. Big ones.
Look for repeated surnames across multiple matches within the same group. Write them down.
Pay special attention to locations. Where did these families live? When matches from the same group mention the same small town in their profiles or trees, that’s not coincidence. That’s your signal.
Many adoptees focus too much on ethnicity percentages.
Rookie mistake.
Focus on surnames and locations instead.
Cross-reference surnames that appear frequently in your match lists with the locations you’ve identified.
Search for obituaries from those locations with those surnames. Obituaries list family members. Family members connect to other families. The web expands.
This isn’t theoretical. This is exactly how thousands of adoptees have identified their biological families.
The Critical “In-Between” Strategy
What if you have no close matches but dozens of distant ones?
This is where most people quit. Don’t be most people.
Find your closest matches (even if they’re just 4th cousins). Study their trees. Look for common ancestors between them.
Then build a “mirror tree” – start with those common ancestors and work forward in time instead of backward.
Add their children, then their children’s children. Follow all branches down to approximately the right generation for your parents.
Look for people from that generation who lived in the right location at the right time.
This technique requires patience. But it works.
DNA doesn’t lie. The connections are there. You just need to reveal them.
When to Call in Reinforcements
Some searches require additional help. No shame in that game.
If you’ve been working with your matches for a month and feel stuck, consider these resources:
- DNA Detectives (Facebook group with volunteer search angels)
- Search Angels (free volunteer searchers who specialize in adoptee cases)
- Professional genetic genealogists (paid option, typically $3,000-$5,000)
The DNA databases grow every day. New matches appear constantly.
Some adoptees find immediate family on day one. Others take years. The difference often comes down to who has tested from your biological family.
If your search feels slow, test with additional companies. AncestryDNA has the largest database. 23andMe has the second largest. MyHeritage is strong in Europe.
More tests = more potential matches = more pathways to answers.
Protecting Your Emotional Health
This journey triggers emotions. Deep ones.
Some days you’ll feel hopeful. Others, frustrated. That’s normal.
Set boundaries around your search time. Don’t let it consume every waking hour.
When you contact matches, manage expectations. Some will be excited to help. Others may be shocked or resistant.
Their reaction isn’t about you. Remember that.
Connect with other adoptees who understand this path. They get it. They’ve lived it.
The DNA doesn’t change, but your approach to processing it can.
Take breaks when needed. The data will still be there tomorrow.
The Mindset That Finds Families
Successful searchers share one critical trait: persistence.
They try different approaches. They learn constantly. They don’t quit when the path gets foggy.
Your biological connections exist in these databases. The evidence is there. Sometimes it’s just waiting for the right perspective to reveal it.
Think of yourself as a detective with an unsolved case. Each match provides another clue. Another piece of evidence.
The breakthroughs often come after periods of confusion. Right when you’re ready to give up.
One new match. One returned message. One obituary. That’s all it takes to crack everything open.
Stay the course.
Ready to Transform Your Search? Introducing the Biological Roots Blueprint
If you’re serious about finding your biological family, I’ve created something specifically for you.
The Biological Roots Blueprint is a comprehensive online course designed exclusively for adoptees and those with unknown parentage.
Stop Feeling Lost in a Sea of DNA Matches
This isn’t just another “how-to” guide. This is a proven, step-by-step methodology that has helped countless adoptees discover their biological roots.
What makes this different?
- From Guesswork to Strategy: Replace random searching with our systematic approach that actually works
- From Confusion to Clarity: Learn exactly which matches matter and how to use them effectively
- From Barriers to Breakthroughs: Master precise techniques that overcome common roadblocks
This Self-Paced Course Is Perfect For:
- Adoptees seeking biological family
- Individuals with misattributed parentage
- Donor-conceived persons
- Anyone with any form of unknown parentage ready to find answers
The endless searching ends now. Your birth parents can finally be uncovered.
This isn’t just about finding names – it’s about discovering your health history, heritage, family connections, and personal identity.
Take the next step in your journey. Your DNA already holds the answers – now get the blueprint to decode them.
👉 Learn More About The Biological Roots Blueprint
